HACKING THE BLUEPRINT CLEANSE & USING IT WISELY

If there's once thing I'm good at, its a good ole fashioned juice cleanse.  I'm the best at it.  If juice cleansing was a job, I would be CEO.  If there was an event at the Olympics, I would be the gold medalist six years in a row.  If I could juice cleanse for the rest of my life and somehow not die, I would do it in a heart beat.  Why?  Because its easy.  Its brainless.  Do you know how much of my week is spent figuring out what food to shove in my face on a daily basis?  What recipes to cook, how and when to cook them, when to schedule a grocery run, how much to freeze, how much to parcel out, and then actually remembering to bring it all in to work? Its exhausting. And anxiety producing.  If I could live off a magical pill every day, and not have to think another minute about it, I would do it.  So the concept of drinking 6 bottles of vitamin-rich juices on a daily basis is very appealing to me.

The supposed effects of the whole thing are more of a bonus, really, even though they are not what everyone hopes they are.  (i.e. Instant hotness) In my opinion, all juice fasting does is cleanse your pallet and give you a mega-dose of vitamins and minerals you're probably not getting in your every-day life.  Post-cleanse you can suddenly taste the difference between, say, a cherry tomato and a stick of celery; not only that, but you also have a newfound appreciation for texture.  You're so tired of that sickly-sweet green juice, that something as bland as jicama is suddenly delicious and gratifying simply because its crunchy.  Even water is a miracle! I also find juice cleansing to be a phenomenal de-bloater -- its the most obvious benefit, and a good reminder of what limiting sodium can do.  Plus your mind is sharper, your skin is glowing and you begin to resemble what I imagine a pure-bred human being might look like.  But it is not a good way to lose weight.  You may drop a pound or three, but it all comes back the moment you resume eating real food.  Not really the goal here.

And then there are all the downsides.   #1.  The cost.  (A full week of Blueprint will set you back a couple hundo).  #2.  Withdrawal.  Somehow, I have never experienced the dizziness, hunger or grumpiness most people describe during their first three days of the cleanse.  Maybe its because I don't eat much white flour or dairy to begin with...maybe its because I cheat and drink an occasional cup of black coffee or green tea.  (I know that interferes with the "real" reasons for doing a cleanse, but I don't believe in all that holistic mumbo jumbo...the benefits of fasting or clearing out "bad bacteria" or whatever.  The science doesn't add up and its seems kind of dumb to me.)  But the biggest drawback by far is #3.  It severely limits your activity.  I once did a full week of CrossFit while cleansing just to see what it was like, and got a stern talking to by a coach who caught on to my little experiment.  He basically said "Don't do that" and if I did choose to do it, "Don't come to class."  Fair enough.  For all the convenience of popping bottles six times a day, seven days a week, it can't be all that good for your metabolism either.

So.  In 2015 I'm going to incorporate all the positive benefits of juicing without the negative effects of juice-fasting.  And I'm not going to spend a million dollars on it either.  Some smartipants "hacked" all the Blueprint recipes and it turns out making these from scratch only costs about $2.  My goal is to make a fresh juice every morning after the gym as a quick pick-me-up before work. Here are all the recipes to make all your juicing dreams come true:

GREEN JUICE:
For 16 ounces, gather organically-grown:

• 5 Ribs of Celery
• 1 Cucumber, Halved
• 2 Large Green Apples of Your Choice
• 3 Kale leafs
• 1 Ounce of Lemon juice
• 1 Handful of Parsley
• 3 Romaine leafs
• 1 Handful of Spinach (Don’t be shy. It doesn’t bite)

P.A.M. JUICE:

• A Third of 1 Pineappple
• 2 Large Green Apples of Your Choice
• A few pinches of Mint, to taste

SPICY LEMONADE: 

(I am suspicious of the benefits of this one, though it sure does taste good!)

• 14 ounces of Filtered Water
• 3-4 juiced medium Lemons
• A few Dashes of Cayenne Pepper
• 1 Tablespoon of Agave Nectar

C.A.R. JUICE:

• 1 Green Apple of Your Choice
• 2 Beet, with the greens left on
• 3 Large Carrots
• 1 and 1/2 Tablespoon of Ginger
• A 1/2 ounce of Lemon Juice (to taste)

CASHEW MILK:

(My favorite!  This is probably better as a dessert or late afternoon snack)

• 4-5 ounces of Raw Cashews soaked over night in...
• 16 ounces of Filtered water
• 1 Tablespoon of Agave Nectar
• 1 teaspoon of Cinnamon (ground)
• 1 two-inch piece of Vanilla Bean (or 1 teaspoon of extract)